Not-So-Fantastic Baby

I can't not write this. It was with awe and horror that I watched this video yesterday afternoon. Even now I haven't entirely come to terms with my feelings. There are good things to be said, there are bad things to be said and the less said about any part of the song that goes "BOOM SHAKA LAKA" the better.

For those of you who don't pay attention to Korean pop, you probably don't know and don't care that Big Bang released a new music video yesterday. While I wasn't one of the people who stalked youtube until the video was premiered at some ungodly hour that morning, I did take an interest in watching it because, well, the company's stylists tend to cater to my tastes. They like being "weird", "edgy" and "innovative", otherwise known to most of the population as "hot mess", but a lot of the time they'd be right at home at nightclubs I frequent.

So because I can't seem to keep my inner critic in it's cage, here is an outfit by outfit review of Big Bang's "Fantastic Baby". WORDS. I HAVE THEM. I HAVE SO MANY OF THEM.

I bet most of you didn't even get through the first 20 seconds of that video. And even fewer of you have soldiered on to continue reading this post. I'm not here to review the song, though. I won't even tell you guys what my opinion of the song is because, honestly, its completely irrelevant to this discussion.

The one thing I wish for right now is for someone from the company to explain to me exactly what their concept for this video is because it seems all over the place. Post apocalyptic-alien-cyberpunk-Napoleon-bondage-ninja? Uuum yeah. I can't see a clear vision here. Maybe if someone could explain it to me? Pretty please?

Overall I'm torn about the clothing. I either love it or I want to kill it with fire, there is very little middle ground.

First up, these masks are awesome. I want them. I want all of them. I can't help but notice that for whatever reason Seungri wasn't wearing one, but that doesn't make these four any less snazzy. In particular I like Taeyang's (bottom left), mostly because of the head straps. The tint on G Dragons (upper right) is interesting, too.

 I like these jackets. I like them a lot, in fact. The bright colors are entertaining and I like how despite being the same cut they all have different placements for the design. No comment about Taeyang's bright silver pants. And GD, please consider dying your hair pink and black at some point, the colors really suit you.


And now due to lack of cohesion I'm going to go from oldest to youngest.

TOP (aka Papa Smurf):

Before I get started on anything else, although I love the hair color I just don't feel it suits him. The color is amazing, absolutely amazing, just not right for him. Moving on:... The elements of this outfit could be fine on their own, however together they are more than a bit overwhelming. It is a bit too much blue.

His makeup is wonderful though. Tinting his eyebrows green and the touch of green eyeliner are a stroke of brilliance.

I love the cut and color of this coat, but I hate the fabric.

 

The hat is a very nice touch. Plus it hides the hair. Ridiculous hats are a passion of mine and this one is wondrous. More hats, please!

I'm not entirely sure what to say about this. Overall i like this look, but it feels out of place for the video. Knee-length pants are spiffy, I wish someone would bring them back into fashion.

Again, not entirely sure what to say about this. It looks like it could almost be regal, that is until you see the shoes. And I'm sorry, but I still don't like his hair, which is coming from an advocate of people with ridiculously unnatural hair color.


Taeyang (aka Gratuitous Pectoral Exposure):

Personally I think the frosted effect is very cool. Too bad it only lasted about 3 seconds before they defrosted him so he could flaunt his abs to make fangirls squeal.

I like the juxtaposition of the gasmasks and the robes, however Taeyang's outfit leaves something to be desired. I'm neither here nor there about his pants and shoes, but the fake tattoos are a bit much. Even though some of them are real, many of the ones that aren't do look as if they were just drawn lazily with a sharpie.

SEE? SHARPIE. Also this is the return of the dreaded bubblegum pink lipstick. This is one of my pet peeves in kpop recently. For some reason male artists keep on having their lips glossed in bubblegum pink even though most of the time it clashes horribly with their skin tone and is obviously lipstick. Sorry, but that completely takes away from whatever masculinity he is supposed to be exuding in this scene.

Here it looks less like sharpie than it does like hair dye running down the back of his neck. Or like a half-hearted attempt to recreate the liquid latex oil-slick look which shows up on occasion in the goth-industrial club scene. The armor is awesome.

SEE? LOOK AT THAT AWESOME ARMOR. Its so shiny!

OH PRAISE THE LLOYD, HE IS FINALLY COVERING HIS TORSO. Those pants are epic. And although I want to dislike his hair I can't. It'd be hypocritical considering I draw on the shaved sides of my mohawk with glitter glue.


G-Dragon (aka Mr. Forelock):

"TETSUO!" "KANAEDA!" I cannot unsee Akira in this shot. But there is a problem if your weave has grown a mind of its own like his apparently has. The suit is amazing, but I'm so distracted by the kudzu-like hair that I hardly noticed it at first.

I like the idea behind this makeup, though I don't like the execution. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but if I ever can I will make sure to explain.

GD, we can see your facial contouring. I hope the makeup artists blend his makeup a bit better the next time he has a closeup like this.

Please tie your shoes. I rather like the rest of the outfit, but the untied shoes distract me horribly and take away from the whole look. The hat is intriguing, its not exactly to my taste, but its fun to look at. My only real issue with the hat is that it doesn't look like it actually fits his head.

I love this look, even down to his weave. Or I should say I loved it until...

DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT? Seriously, guys, the highly detailed lip paintings only work in photoshoots. Videos, particularly when a person is lip-synching for their life, just make it look like an awkward smear on their mouth. You don't get to see any of the detail unless you pause the video. The detail put into the dragons is fantastic, but please save it for a photoshoot next time.


Daesung (aka Blondie):

Its amazing how something as simple as covering the navel makes a person seem more modest. Despite being chained to a all this doesn't scream "look at me, I'm shirtless" half as loudly as Taeyang's gratuitous pectoral exposure. Instead it seems to scream "look at my fabulous belt". which I did and its awesome. Not sure how I feel about the blond hair, but its growing on me.

My words, I've lost them. Even though the blue velvet suit is vaguely Austin Powers, I think this look may be my favorite thing about this entire video. Its fitted beautifully and it makes for a very nice contrast with his new hair color.

More blue velvet suit for your viewing pleasure.


Seungri (Cat Woman):

Girls dressed as sexy cats isn't innovative or original. I like the scratch makeup, but the cat concept just seems boring. And the new haircut is awful. Greasy and flat is not a good look.

The vinyl catsuits look ill-fitting and cheap. Next time try latex, it will create a nicer effect because it will hug the body like a second skin while still giving a nice shine. I do rather like the design for the leggings, though.


Overall in this video there are things I love and things I have, but this is the first time in years where my disappointment in a video from YG has outweighed my fascination. Please step up your game. Consider using a more story-based concept rather than simply throwing the cool new clothing you've found into a set and vaguely attempting to build a plot around it.


tl;dr I agree with TOP:

gif from chibisuz on tumblr.
Feel free to use my screencaps, no need to credit.